Yes. Everything Is Rubbish.

I've never done resolutions. I'm not into this 'new year, new me shit' either. Because *puts on Pastor voice* we should be striving to better ourselves with each passing day. Not just the beginning of the calendar year. What I decided to do was write a list of things that I'd learned over the course of 2017, that I could carry with me into the new year. Keeping them close as a form of mantra's and life lessons to live by. I listed about 10 things. (I fucking struggled to make it to 10). But upon reading the list over and over, I found that I could place them all under the very first thing that I'd written in my list. The decision that you need to make may not always be the easiest one, but trust your heart that it's the right one. I was going to use Mass effect as a reference, because I'm an oddball fuckwit. But life is really a bunch of choices that we make and live out. Every single day. Everything we do is a choice. Some micro. Some mac...

A friend and I had eaten trays of greasy food and decided to wash that down with a few drinks. A draft beer and a couple of mixers in a dingy East London bar later, the topic of discussion somehow moved onto gay sex attire. We made the jump from harnesses and leather pants with zippers in the front to T-shirts and juxtaposing Nintendo characters with unique characteristics and sexifying them. Because this is what grown men do at 9pm on a Wednesday night. Our first creation featured Pikachu, with the slogan 'Shock me daddy'. We both agreed this was stupid and the sexual innuendo wasn't really that obvious. I'm sure there are guys who are into being poked with cattle prods, but it wasn't obvious enough. What followed was then Super Mario doing his arse pound, with the slogan 'Pound me daddy'. We struck gold (coins) and from that point on we were cooking on gas and spiralling into the depths of mess. Me being the procrastinator that I am, and always spen...

Summer is fast approaching / pretty much here already. So as I do every year, I start to think about how I can get a body like Chris Evans in about 3 weeks. I have a gym membership, of which I am not getting my money's worth. But dammit I'm determined to start milking its value and start working out. My problem with the gym isn't that I dislike working out. Sometimes I really enjoy it. My problem is that I get bored so quickly. After 10 minutes of doing one thing, I want to do something else. But every damn thing in the gym is the same. You move a little differently on each machine, but you're still just lifting some shit. Running nowhere. Cycling stationary. Enter, swimming. Now, I've been here before. I end up here around the same time every year. I get into a gym routine, I get bored. I think, 'what would help me tone, keep me fit and hold my interest because if I don't focus, I will drown and die? Swimming!' And this always ends the same way. I stop ...